Self-compassion is an adapted term from Buddhist psychology, defined as noticing the suffering of the self, and expressing kindness to these parts of ourselves and others that struggle. Self-compassion is different from self-esteem. Self-esteem is an assessment of worthiness, superiority and inferiority, whereas self-compassion is a consistent sense of loving-kindness towards a common humanity and to the self. Kristen Neff, a prominent researcher in the field of self-compassion, outlines 3 components to self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness. Self-esteem rather is the measuring of one’s worthiness against others.
The study of self-compassion and general well-being is one that has risen in popularity, especially looking at the link between self-esteem and self-compassion. As a psychotherapist, I notice it with my clients; they often struggle with kindness towards their suffering and experience a sense of competition for recognition. I have also noticed that clients who come in to work on developing self-esteem are individuals who experienced a highly competitive childhood. Self-compassion acts as a countermeasure to the intensity of competing for resources (such as the recognition from loved ones, society…) and introduces loving-kindness in their relationships, including the relationship to themselves.
Research in self-compassion also has found some interesting findings that even surprised me. Self-compassion has been linked to general well-being. For instance, cooling the neurological system that experiences social threat. This is particularly helpful for students. Students often feel like they need to measure themselves compared to their fellow students, as a way to gain social resources like accolades and adoration. The battle for self-esteem (being better than others), ignores the common humanity – we all struggle with navigating the world.
Self-compassion is also linked to improved mental well-being – feelings of depression and anxiety. Longitudinal studies (studies looking at long-term patterns) found that those in groups that supported increased scores of measures looking at self-compassion were also found to have decreased scores of depression and anxiety symptoms. This makes sense to me. Self-compassion is linked to increased scores of Mindfulness. Mindfulness, defined metacognitively, is the practice of not over-identifying with your experience and remaining present. Anxiety likes to live in the future; depression, in the past. Also, over-identifying yourself with your experiences of depression and anxiety (I am depressed, I am anxious) leads to fusion to the experience and behaviours will fall in line.
Not only is self-compassion good for the client, but also found to be helpful with the therapist! In a study conducted, higher self-compassion scores were linked to the increased scores of empathetic presence from the therapist. Why? Self-compassion protects from burnout and helps create a balance between compassion and empathy. As someone who tries to practice what they preach, I have found that practicing from a self-compassionate lens allows me to navigate the Imposter Syndrome I experience and helps me connect with my clients without over-identifying my experience with theirs. For example, being affected by feedback that would otherwise be taken negatively. Also, a study found that therapists and clients were more likely to seek out mental health supports if they practiced self-compassion. Again, common humanity: we all experience struggles, we should all work at finding support without fear of stigma.
Kristin Neff has great resources on her website to explore exercises and contemplate the meaning of self-compassion to you: https://self-compassion.org/. Also, if interested, I am offering a virtual (for residents in Ontario), 6-week therapeutic writing group therapy for those who want to explore self-compassion more and live self-compassionately. It will be offered early 2025. For more inquires, please feel free to reach out by email at info@laurinpsychotherapy.com. All the best on your journey to find a salient piece of positive regard!
Warmly,
Kira Lynn Laurin, RP, MACP
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